It’s not that I don’t want to be happy, It’s a despite, how hard i try. I can’t bring myself to be Happy. I feel suffocated, embarrassed, ashamed why did I have to be this way ? I have great family, amazing friends, good academic results , yet all I ever seem to see is sadness and grey. It’s like there’s burden on me pulling me to the ground and however hard I try I can’t bring myself out. I can’t bring myself to care about anything; not me, not him, not her.
Living has become the nightmare, and and its not fair. Its a disease that affects every aspect of life, wether its work, relationship or education. And to this day despite my efforts to explain I am always met with blind hesitation. Someone asked me, ‘ why am I always Sad ?’ I tell them I don’t know ! What i do know, is that I wakeup everyday feeling like absolutely shit……… I am afraid of the world, I am afraid of putting my guard down in the fear that I will be judge for something I cannot control. Do you think I like to watch myself fall into the hole of shame and self hate ??? So I hide them and I put up a wall that’s so high, you will never see my pain or any of my flaws. I create this character and she is Perfect, Invincible and so I carry on with life with these two lives, “One for the public and One just for me late at night”, because that’s easier than admitting you have a problem.
The mental health is a big deal, It’s a hidden disease that’s affecting so many lives, wake up and listen to the silent cries, It’s a kid that never Speaks or the Guy who is always tired, the Woman who is too emotional, the Guy who just got fired because he was absent alot.
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