Not a single day passes by,
When she doesn’t question her parents “why”
Its usually taken as a mere statement,
Rather than putting in efforts to make an amendment.
Sometimes the unanswered question daunts an individual to such a great extent that obtaining the answer becomes the most important goal. As its said, uncertainty spares no one, it sticks by you, eats you up a little too much until you’re just tired.
The days, nights and weeks I spent thinking about what would it be; if I become like him. Become like my elder brother. This thought didn’t just randomly come up, it was actually put into my head. By the daily taunts, daily comparisons and what not. I wanted to be noticed for who I was, not just to be enforced upon to be who I was not. Because, its so hard to be something when you’re not.
Every move I make, every step I take I would want to be the one taking responsibilities, being disciplined and most important of all, being favored by my parents, as they do to my brother but me. How difficult is it to be in the good books of parents, you tell me? I should do as they say? Spend less money? Do household chores? Or probably just return back home at 7pm?! Maybe because their orthodox mentality doesn’t do well with a girl staying out late.
You know, at some point, unknowingly this creates cracks between the bond of siblings. This unbiased behavior or what they sugar coat it as “Care and protection” towards just one, could lead to a lot much beyond the thought of the parents. It might not let the bridge of transparency between the siblings remain stable, because the slow waves of comparison, doubt and jealousy are simply trying to make it all the more weak.
The day she chose to confront them,
They treated her like an outgrown fruit which doesn’t value its stem.
It was time she knew that it would not last long,
But she made every learning of her experience into her fight song.
A day came, when I thought I would probably chose to act wiser and do what people usually do; talk it out. But talk it out to whom? Parents? They wouldn’t bother a little. But rather to my elder brother. He who has been there for me, no matter what, the one for whom my love is pure. The one who has helped me in every phase of my life, supporting and guiding. Who else would be better to help me out in this quest of life. But this time, it wasn’t just me or my problems, it involved him; it was somewhere down the line relating to him that I wanted to talk about.
It gets tough to casually start a conversation with a loved one, when a part of the problem or situation involves them to be blamed. The dilemma of not actually targeting or being extremely passive gets one into a fix. Getting ones point to be appropriately understood is indeed a great deal to crack, cause everyone is on the floating cloud to just assume.
After I narrated out all what I felt was happening in and out of my head, what I heard as a response took me a back. It was as though, I heard the words of someone familiar, no not my brother. It was as though he was talking, but the words didn’t just seem to be his own.
“ Its all junk thoughts in your head! You’re being influenced by your so called friends to go against family.. I’m telling you, none of these will stay, except us..”
It triggered angst and an emotional outburst,
When she realized that the strong iron rod had now began to rust,
As though a part of her whom she felt would always stay,
Had now started to function in a different way!
The point of realization, when it comes, comes like a huge earthquake, with the cause being mere words. The way an individual’s attitude could be influenced to behave in a certain way is to be thought upon. So you know when they say, some things once said and done, can’t be undone or brought together back to normal. Unless in the case of Japanese pots whose cracks are filled with gold like material.
This shook me, it took me back to where it all started, it felt as thought the nights thinking of revolting back have just turned the tables around. The one whom I believed would somewhere understand and help me get things clear and fine, wasn’t the one. I began to merely disgust at the thought of me confiding in him. To that great extent that I was shattered and would never want to talk again. It felt as though all our great times, great experiences, learning’s and memories were going down in vain with just one day. One conversation. One behavior. Now led to all the current moments into “Once upon a time, we used to…”
It is truly and rightly said, it may take years for a bond to grow and develop strong, but just minutes for it to vanish or break away. It’s funny how things change, one’s attitude and way of life has an impact on the other to such an extent that it makes them blindly believe in what is told and what is done. Rather than being driven into the new light of future and modest generations, some thoughts or words just pull you back to the same old tradition. It even might sound petty to some, that how over little things can one just remain glued onto, but “nothing really matters except the little things..” It disrupts ones own thoughts making them forget what is actually realistic and rational.
Somethings aren’t in your favor she learnt,
Then realized eating her favorite food why her tongue always burnt,
It wasn’t just the instance that caused the pain,
But the habit which felt that it would always be a gain.
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