//KILLING MYSELF

KILLING MYSELF

By |2020-02-18T10:11:52+00:00February 18th, 2020|People|

“Mummy and papa, I am fearing. I am going to appear for board exams this year and what if I didn’t score good? Will you be upset with me?”
No answer from my parents and I understood that they are expecting very good marks from me. I was not a topper of class. I was an average scorer student. My parents always expected 79 or 78 marks from 80 in every exam and every time I disappointed them. Seeing this, I felt bad but what do I do? Is this true that if I didn’t score good marks, I’ll face trouble in future? Well, I’ve already faced too much trouble in past times and facing in present too, hiding a lot of pain and tears from parents. Who said that a boy’s life is easier than a girl?
I lived in New Delhi for about 12 years. In these 12 years, I never felt that I was alone or I don’t have much people to talk with. I used to play, laugh and spend my lovable time with my idiots until my parents decided to shift to u.p. but not that far away from my old home. It was only about a half an hour travel. I always wanted to live a happy and good enjoyable life but a lot of surprises were waiting for me ahead.
I was shifted to u.p. next year. I used to go to school by bus and oh boy I still regret why did I go by the school bus even today. I was attracted to a girl and soon we were in a relationship also. I shouldn’t have been in that relationship! The relationship didn’t worked and I was not with her anymore. Someone has said it correctly, the more you try to forget them, the more they will get stuck in your head. I missed her so very much and used to cry for her whenever I was alone. This story is continued even today.
My 10th class started and my parents and teachers wanted me to score 95% and above. I clearly was not interested in scoring good marks. I knew that these schools don’t give a damn f@#k about our passion and talent! The books and copies are putted into us like food and then vomited out in every exam but who cares about this! Everyone wants excellent marks and want to stamp the degree on our face.
And then started my very bad time. I wanted to be a storywriter and wanted to write a lot of stories but my marks killed my dreams. I still remember and miss the old me. The old happy me. Who said parents know each and everything about their child? Who said parents always want good for their child?
“STILL SUFFERING FROM THIS BUT STILL STANDING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED…”

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