Two years down the journey, on one bright morning, I got out of my bed with new zeal, because it was the start of a new phase of my life #CollegeLife. More ecstatic my heart was to start this new journey, more nervous my brain was to face the bumps that were ready to hit me on this path. While my heart and head were struggling between these dichotomic feelings, there entered a professor in the class and asked everyone to introduce themselves by their name and HSC percentage. The battle between my heart and head was in equilibrium until I got to know I had colleagues who have scored 98-99 % in HSC. This was not the end of my nervousness. I saw people around me who on the first day of college itself answered questions in such a way that they have already completed their engineering and were there only to torture me. This was the time my head’s nervousness took control over my hearts ecstasy and my journey toward a LOST world initiated.
Within 4 days of college, I was confident, so so confident that I knew, I am gonna quit that college. This decision shocked my parents. My almost lost confidence and slow psychological and emotional breakdown compelled them to agree with me. But then it was a journey. If you decide to quit one road, you have to choose another. So, I changed my path from engineering to CA. But lost me couldn’t traverse this path for long and started hopping from one to another. After trying my luck in CA, architecture and chemical engineering field, I found myself fit for nothing. I lost my confidence,I lost my zeal, I lost myself. After suffering these losses, I went back home and started spending my days inside the bed. I alienated myself from everyone and everything. The only constant with me were my tears and helplessness. This helplessness was to the extent that I thought to end up it all at once. Ending it up in the way that it can never come back.
No, just wait, if you are thinking the solution to be suicide, you are absolutely wrong. Because running out of the situation can never be a solution. It is just the act of a coward. And this cowardice act may have ended my problems but would have created new for my loved ones. And of course, I didn’t want this to happen. In that period of my breakdown, I was observing people around me to shatter bit by bit. To make them stand again, I knew, it was essential that I step back out of the lost world. So I boasted the lost me, dragged the alienated soul to face the world again and got convinced that there’s no competition to me other than myself.
Finally, after the break of almost a week, I decided to get back to the journey, but not the one I started off with. I remember the day of my admission at the new college. As I stepped inside the new campus, God Angel stepped in my mind and I believe it was her miracle that I decided to choose the path I initially started with, hence returning back to college again #CollegeLife. But this time, the entry was a bit different than the previous. Both my heart and head were in the same state, both being confident, confidence that I am not gonna quit it, whatever the situation gets this time. Slowly, with the support of my parents, professors, friends and most importantly my own determination, I started winning over my lost confidence. I conquered over the lost me and hence FOUND myself back. Found it back so well that, the girl who dropped out of the college of the fear that she cannot survive between her competitive colleagues became the topper of the university; the girl who got nervous listening 98% marks of others scored complete 10 CGPA in her first semester and the girl who thought people were there to torture her ended up making them the best friends forever.
In this complete journey of Once Lost Now Found, I have just realized that life is very similar to the rose flower. There will be the days, which are going to be as pleasant as rose’s fragrance, but then you cannot neglect that it has thorns too which can’t be eliminated. Similarly, dark time in life is inevitable. Whether you wish or not, it is going to dawn on you at some point in life. Complaining about it, trying to run away from it, may seem to be easy but surely are not the solutions to the problems. It’s important that we face them. Maybe you’ll get drag in the lost world, but then fight it and find yourself back because, after every dark night, a bright morning awaits your presence, all you need to do is wake up.
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