I walk alone on the cold pavement of Repent Street. The air is cold , the night is dark and the emptiness I feel inside tells me the journey is not going to be easy . Unlike the tall glass buildings of New York that greedily make their way up to the sky , this pavement has huge, unending barren fields by it . The fields are lifeless, only cracked dry soil as far as the eye can see.
An old memory of a child in a red polka dotted sundress running around in the daffodil fields pops up in my head . She’s giggling , as the air brushes over her face and the sunlight gleams in her dark brown eyes . My dark brown eyes. The child was me …a very distant me . I touch the corner of my mouth. Smile …when did I last smile like this?
“What nonsense are you thinking” ……My ego retorts from inside .”That place that made you smile , you think you could reach where you are if you would’ve not chosen to leave that backward hometown of yours? There was nothing other than those stupid trees all around and no concrete . Concrete is power Rie . Its power…”
Concrete is also cold . ..I think back. There was no warmth in the life I lead . Cold and alone I was.
“What do you mean by warmth Rie? That stupid boy?Ryan?You wouldn’t have reached the zenith of your career if you didnot leave him.You wouldn’tbe CEO,..remember?”
Ryan…the thought of Ryan brings tears to my eyes . I loved him . And he loved me back. The warmth that my heart felt when I came back home to his arms . If only both our Egos would’ve let us stay . Our Souls loved each other.
“Love gets you nowhere Rie . Remember the sacrifices you made to get to the top, earn that penthouse…build that big empire that you have today . You forgot to wish your best friend on her birthday , you ripped that Orphanage down so that your company could expand , you didn’t attend your mother’s funeral because your meetings simply demanded your attention more..”
Stop…Stop …please no…stop please …I clutch onto my ears as tears stream down my face …
Something sharp pierces into my feet . A shard of glass . I succumb to the pavement . The journey was not easy … Both inside and outside
.Fresh blood drips mercilessly, as merciless as I have been to all those people around me . The air is as cold as I made my heart . The emptiness of the fields around me, like myself without my soul . The night as dark as my Ego without my Soul’s light .
“But I will find you my soul, I will find you…no matter what it takes.” I cry out holding onto my bleeding feet on the cold pavement.
We all have a Soul and an Ego co-existing in us , just like the light and the night. Only I decides to push mine away. My Ego filled in . Having a soulless body , gives you a cold heart to mercilessly shovel your way into the top . And I did exactly that . I replaced my smiles with success. Results . Unmeasured feelings that didn’t have logic …I erased. Love had no place in my Soulless body. But , the warmth of home in someone’s arms can never be replaced by a penthouse, no matter how big it is . The joys you share in a friendship can never be replaced by money . And certainly an empire cannot replace a mother . So here I am searching for my lost soul, to make me a human again .
“Hey are you alright?” A very familiar voice calls from behind .
“No” For the first time in decades I donot lie .
“Do you need help Rie? “ Ryan’s ego holds out his hand
I take it .
His forehead bleeds , his feet dirty. He’s here for his Soul too. Neither of us speak a word . We hold each other and move forward. One step at a time , resting our heads on each other’s shoulders .
For now the light has come up. The air is warmer , it smells of fresh daffodils . The sign on the left reads “Repent Street ends here” . Oh and wait . .wait ..whats beating inside me ….”Soul? Is that you ?” ….My lips have curved up into a …Smile? Am I smiling again?
I look up at Ryan . He gives me a nod . Tears stream down from both our eyes, hands still clutched .
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