I ran as fast as I could, I needed to escape, there was no other way out. This had happened before; she was
far away right now but soon she would be closer. I needed to fool her before she found out where I was
hiding, maybe I could keep running and she would leave me alone, tired by my pace. I had so much to do,
so many dreams to fulfill, I could not give in to her now, no, I would not allow her to take me away. I don’t
understand, I have been running fast enough, I still feel her crawling up to my neck. My mind is in
shambles, I don’t know what to do. I need rest, yes, I need rest.
Suddenly I realize that’s the key. Rest. Keeping calm, I need to stay quiet, I need to think clearly, she hates
this. My panic is her strength. She hates it when I’m calm and I don’t pay heed to her footsteps. Attention,
that is all she wants. I sit down under a table, crouching, both my legs folded. I am sweating right now; I
am still fine though. Its been worse than this. I remember days when I am sitting completely still but within
me there is a storm, a storm waging. I can feel my heart throbbing, my pulse rising, fingernails rustling
against each other. But outside, I am still, as placid as the water of an idyllic lake.
My thoughts rustle past me in a breezy pattern and I’m surprised at the ease with which I am able to
recollect everything. Wait, I don’t feel her around. No, no, I shouldn’t think about her. I know now, this is
the way out. I take a deep breath and notice the sunlight in the room which until now was invisible to me.
My room is glittering and I wonder what am I doing hidden under the darkness of the table. What am I
afraid of? Of she, who ran away as soon as I gained a little confidence in myself. One true smile on my face
makes her shiver and crawl away in a corner. I am smiling at my thoughts and unconsciously stumble out
of the table, facing her. I feel she is standing face to face with me. The only difference is, today, unlike most
days, she finds it difficult to look me in the eyes. My anxiety is not stronger than me. It withers and
crumbles as my laughter rises, falling down as a defeated shadow. Her thoughts and mine are the sameneither thought I have it within me, to face it. To stand upright and let her and the world and most
importantly let myself know, that this is not the end. That she can’t overpower me, she can’t control me,
I’m more than her, I’m more then what I think when she chains me in her arms and doesn’t let me go, I’m
more than what she reduces me to. I’m me and I’m more than enough. As my thoughts slide past weaving
a beautiful rhythm, the room shines brighter than ever and I bloom. There are no traces of her and deep in
my heart I know, when she returns, we will both be ready this time.
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