“My heart trembles with fear of upbringing of my children and my soul shrithes to feel him, it craves for his presence” as Nakia breaks down of paroxysms of tears. Nakia’s daughter is my mother’s student. I visited her after her father passed away a week ago. As she sobbed her daughter strokes her back in comfort and look at me and smiles with rarest of smiles.
“It was October 5th, he crossed this doorway” she points towards brown door with green with green painted borders, entrance of her house. “who knew he will return but breathless. I groomed him that day, I loved grooming him and I groomed him everyday. That milk white stainless shirt, he loved wearing white. I can feel his presence in it, I can feel his arms through those sleeves. Look at that picture, wasn’t he handsome?” She served tea while serving it she said “Had if you would had come in his presence he would have made tea by himself. He was kind a loving heart” I asked her if she has any helping hand and she said no. “There is no helping hand but there is just shadows of affliction, his own brothers had abandoned him because he chose to marry me to be with me against his parents will”.
At this point I felt guilty I felt guilty for being the same, for not confronting people when they are alive. I grieved with my heart, I grieved as I missed a natural capability to be a human.
“I know death is inevitable but so is my suffering, so my fear to raise my children without a shoulder to lean on,to sustain their life” I asked her considering remarriage and she spoke “My heart contains of nothing but love and longing for him, marry anyone wont do justice to that person. What’s point of living together when our heart is devoid of love? for sake of companionship ? No, my heart won’t ever find peace in that”.
I didn’t have any relation to women, but I still felt pain for Nakia’s suffering,I think that what humans are. That’s natural religion of humans.
“That’s my boy” Aafan a 3 year infant is sleeping “He asked me about his father, what shall I tell him?” She started to wail, she started crying with sudden expulsion of breathes “what shall…” she can’t speak “what shall I… tell him.”
I was completely crestfallen. One thing no soul can deny is that there’s lot of suffering, there’s lot of suffering in this world. Lot of which we unsee or we or we choose to be blind from. To hide our kind eyes into colorful screens of television and mobile screen to let our heart be deaf with veil of sound of music and mute screams around us. Our surrounding has stories that are dying, dying in absence of willingness to be heard and with them our human capabilities to compensate, to relate, to reflect our capability to live as a human is dying.
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